2006-12-10 - 10:35 p.m. Ok, first up is an odd little flash piece. It's simply called Reaction Effect and there's not much too it. You click on any tile and see how long the reaction lasts. The longer, the better. My high score so far is 882. Give it a shot. Now on to the actual content. The holidays are upon us again and with them, the stress. Every website in the world wants to offer you tips to help out around the holidays. I'm no different, other than I don't get paid for mine. Then again, that might account for the quality of the tips. Use at your own risk. 1. Do not rewrite the Christmas songs. Seriously. Nobody wants to hear your rendition of "Frosty the snowman" that includes allegations of witchcraft. And lines like; "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, Which sucks if you're a Jew" do not impress anyone. 2. When wrapping the gifts, label them as you go. Do not try to label them after wrapping them all. This cuts down on the whole unwrapping and rewrapping thing that eats up so much time and sanity. 3. When giving candles as a gift, do not light them before you present them. Particularly, do not light them and then wrap them to present them. I know, it sounds cool, but it seldom works out. 4. Nobody wants live bees for Christmas. Trust me. 5. If someone borrows your digital camera for the office Christmas party, erase the pics on the camera first. Otherwise, they get posted on the bulletin board and the guys all start avoiding you. 6. When wrapping shirts, it is a good idea to remove all the tags and stickers. It is NOT a good idea to apply the "X-Large" stickers to the zipper of your jeans. Nobody is buying it. 7. Do have an extra gift wrapped for that unexpected guest. Do NOT make the extra gift a "Hello Kitty Erotic Massager". Your girlfriends mother will not be amused. 8. Pretend to have some holiday spirit. It keeps people around you from refering to you as "Scrooge" and "Grinch". This, in turn, keeps you from making headlines and spoiling other people's holidays. 9. Don't send Kwaanza, Hannakuh, Ramadan, Katanakah, or Solstice cards just to be cute. It offends people of other cultures to have their traditions used as a gag. 10 Strippers are the perfect gift. I can't emphasize this enough. Particularly if you can get the music for the lapdance to be "Twelve days of Christmas". I seldom make it past the pipers piping. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. previous - next

Uncle Monster (home) Andrew Pam Schlock Mercenary/Journal Brazil Special thanks to Vincent Lowe Photography