|
2006-05-11 - 8:15 p.m. I recently heard from an old high school buddy. It seems that my class reunion is coming up. It's odd that they're holding the twentieth reunion already. After all it's only been...let's see... Crap. I've been out of high school for almost twenty years. I'm getting old. Anyway, the invite said I'm supposed to write a brief bio for the reunion book and I wanted to post it here to get some feedback. "It was twenty years ago today..." After leaving Madison Grant, I attended Ball State University. Taking degrees in economics and psychology, with a minor in East European politics, I was contacted after graduation to serve my country as a member of the intelligence community. I am unable to discuss many of my duties while I worked for our government, but I was involved in the downfall of communism in the former Soviet Union. When my cover was blown, I lived in England for a time and had an opportunity to assist my friend Paul McCartney on his album “Flaming Pie”. Due to legal difficulties with the recording company, my name was omitted from the credits. In 1994, I returned to the United States where my experience in the covert community was again put to use, this time as a bodyguard for a major entertainer. My story was eventually turned into a movie starring Kevin Kostner. Due to more legal difficulties, I was forced to leave the United States. I took my yacht (won in a high stakes poker game) and sailed south from the east coast. For several months, I island hopped around the Caribbean. I tended bar in Jamaica, managed a bank on Grand Cayman Island and smuggled cigars out of a certain embargoed country. My yacht sank off the coast of the tiny island on LaPanzo (French for The Panzo) and I was forced to swim for my life through eel infested waters. I reached shore and was discovered by leader of the rebels. Once again, I found my experience in the intelligence community an asset and I soon joined forces with Jean St. Cloud in routing the totalitarian regime of Pierre St. Cloud. It was a very small island. After the revolution, I had grown tired of my rambling life and decided to join a monastary. At first, the quiet environment was quite relaxing, but after a few months, I began to suspect that the Temple of the Brothers of Stygian Darkness were perhaps not the best choice for a place of soul searching. When I announced my intention to leave, I was seized, bound and taken to the Pit of Infinite Despair to be delivered to the Abomination of Broken Hope. The brothers themselves never entered the pit, so had never actually seen the Abomination. Apparently, I was the first human who did not simply go mad at the sight of it and we soon became good friends. When I left the Temple, the Abomination had changed his name to Ted and was well on his way to a successful career in Amway. Finding myself once again alone with no funds, I started my own real estate agency. The drawback was that there was very little land in the Caribbean for sale. My answer was to sell shares of the lost city of Atlantis. The cash was pouring in and I was set to retire when explorers announced the discovery of the sunken metropolis. My investors were beating down my door demanding refunds, due to the fact that I neglected to mention that Atlantis was a sunken city. I narrowly escaped a lynching. After a hasty escape in a rowboat, a month on a New England shrimper and a short time on a stolen Russian sub (which I stole from the thieves and delivered to the U.S. Navy), I was once again back on my native soil. It had been many years since I had been in touch with my friends back in Indiana, so I joined a traveling carnival that was headed towards the Midwest. Three months of being Pogo the Snake Man, I was once again back home again, just in time to receive my invitation to the twentieth reunion of the class of 1986. Go Argylls.
|
|
